The Lone Warrior
an unmade audio story
Rejected script
This script was sent to Big Finish around the end of January 2000. It was one of three I submitted on spec. My plan was to bludgeon them to death with ideas until they either took one or took out a court order to stop me. The script was returned with a very nice "Thanks but we'll pass on that one." letter around August or September. PART ONE 1.1894. London. Night.It’s one of those nights Victorian London is supposedly so famous for. Though we can’tsee it, a real pea-souper has blown in up the Thames. Ships’ horns sound from the river.A carriage or cart rattles over the cobblestones. It has two occupants - OrvilleStedgewick and Cassidy, his trusty (and violent) henchman, who is mute.
STEDGEWICKKeep the noise down, Cassidy. It may be gone two in the morning but there’sno telling who’s out and about the capital at this hour.
Cassidy grunts. Stedgewick laughs. It’s not a nice laugh.
STEDGEWICKYou’re right, my boy. People like us. This fog’s playing us a favour. Even ourmothers wouldn’t recognise us from more than five feet.
Another Cassidy grunt.
STEDGEWICKEven if you hadn’t killed yours.
Cassidy laughs. It’s even less appealing than Stedgewick’s. These are clearlynot nice people.
STEDGEWICKThere. Take us into the alley there.
Cart rattles into an alley.
STEDGEWICKWhere is he ? I told him to be here by two.
Cassidy grunts.
STEDGEWICKI wish you could speak, Cassidy. What is it ?
Another grunt.
STEDGEWICKI see it. He’s started without us. He’s showing initiative. I don’t know that Ilike that. Let’s see how he’s doing.
They jump down. Their footsteps lead to a broken door, which they shiftaside. It scrapes on the cobbles.
STEDGEWICKSolid oak - and he tore it off the hinges.
A nervy grunt from Cassidy.
STEDGEWICKDon’t you worry. I’ve got him well under control. Varsh ? Are you in here ?
A heavy figure lumbers towards them. He’s obviously carrying a great weight;his feet thumping the floorboards. When he speaks, Varsh has a big, strong voice.
VARSHOf course.
STEDGEWICKI told you to wait for us outside the bank.
VARSHYou told me to wait until two o’clock. You are late.
STEDGEWICKWe’ll argue about time-keeping later. Can you manage that safe by yourself ?
VARSHYes. You would be more of a hindrance than a help.
STEDGEWICKI wasn’t offering myself. Cassidy, make sure the coast’s clear outside.
Cassidy gives a reassuring grunt from the door.
STEDGEWICKRight, get the safe into the back of the cart.
Varsh grunts and carries the safe into the alley. He drops it into the back of the cart.
STEDGEWICKHave you ever seen strength the likes of that, Cassidy ?
A grunt that says “no”.
STEDGEWICKWell done, Mr Varsh. Time to be going I should say. Up we get. Not you, Varsh.
VARSH(Obviously tired)What ?
STEDGEWICKYou’re too conspicuous by half. The boys in blue would be down on us like theproverbial ton of bricks if anybody saw you with us. You go back the way you came.
VARSHI am exhausted. My strength is all but gone.
STEDGEWICKThen I suggest you hurry. The sooner you get back, the sooner you’ll be taken care of.
VARSHYou will pay for treating me like this.
STEDGEWICKYou know me, Mr Varsh. I don’t believe in paying. Try not to get into any trouble onthe way back.
The cart moves off. Varsh roars and we hear the door being hit. It cracks andsplinters into pieces.
2.London.The cart clatters across the cobbles. A woman, Mary Kate is out late. She’s a bit drunk.
STEDGEWICKMove, you stupid tart.
MARY KATEWatch out. You could have killed me.
The cart clatters off, leaving Mary Kate grumbling.
MARY KATEDaft driving so fast in this fog. Never liked them carts anyways.
Evidently, she spies somebody.
MARY KATEDid you see that ? Could have killed me, they could. You’re out late, aren’t you ? I bet Iknow what a big strong sort like you’s after. You’re in luck, dear. You come with Mary Kate.I’ll look after you. If you’ve got the money. I’m not cheap, mind, but I’m worth it.
Sound of coins being proffered. They scrape together.
MARY KATEThat’s more than I make in a month. You rob a bank or something ? You won’t regret this,dear. You’ll never forget Mary Kate. Right, we’re well hidden here. Let’s get...
A blade is drawn.
MARY KATEWhat are you... no. NO !
Her yell is choked off with the sound of a blade being driven into her. She gurgles andmoans and slumps to the ground.
3.Stedgewick’s Fun Fair.Stedgewick is counting his money. He’s well pleased with his evening’s work.
STEDGEWICKYou did well tonight, boys.
Cassidy grunts and his hand is slapped away.
STEDGEWICKPaws off, Cassidy. I haven’t finished counting it yet.
VARSH(Obviously very tired)Count it later.
STEDGEWICKYou sound tired, Mr Varsh. Feeling under the weather, are we ?
VARSHI have fulfilled my end of our bargain. Fulfil yours.
STEDGEWICKI should imagine you’re feeling a little worn out around now, what with all your exertions.
VARSHGive it to me.
STEDGEWICKYou’re worse than one of the Chinee down at the opium houses, begging for theirpoppy pipes.
VARSHGive it to me !
STEDGEWICKYour manners need work - but we can’t have our star attraction keeling over, canwe ? Not with two shows a day to think of, and your, shall we say, extra-curricularactivities ? Here. Take it.
A cylinder slides noisily across the desk. Varsh sighs with relief. It’s like he’s getting his fix.
STEDGEWICKBut always remember. I’m the only place you can get what you need to stay alive.Cross me, and you’re dead.
VARSH(Stronger)I am unlikely to forget.
4.London. Next morning.Cracked-voiced old news-vendor yells amid the general sounds of a busy street of the time.Carriages, etc.
VENDOREvening News extra. ‘Orrible murder in Whitechapel. Third in a month. Police baffled.Is the Ripper back ? Read all about it.
The vendor’s voice fades a little, as though we’re moving along the street. A horse whinneysand a cab clatters by and then we get to an argument between Tess (Teresa) Oaks and hererstwhile landlord. Tess is around 18 or 19 and strong-willed.
TESSYou got to let me in.
LANDLORDGot the rent you owe me, Tessie ?
TESSNot yet, but...
LANDLORDYou don’t get in if you don’t got the rent.
TESSYou can’t do this. I need to get my stuff...
The argument continues, fading as we seem to move on. Another carriage clatters byand we move into a quieter alley, where it’s fairly peaceful for a second until the Tardismaterialises with her usual fanfare. The door opens and the 6th Doctor steps out, fullof joie de vivre.
DOCTORAh, London.
He sniffs the air and coughs a little. His joie de vivre is a tad dented.
DOCTORVictorian London. An unmistakable bouquet. Ah, well. Only ninety years early, old girl.Close enough.
He closes the door and moves out into the street where the street sounds get a little louder.
DOCTOREast End... mid 1890's... Autumn ?
VENDORAnother bank robbed ! Door ripped off hinges !
DOCTORWhitechapel. I thought I recognised the place.
We’re getting back towards the argument between Tess and her landlord, which is still heated.
TESSYou’ve got to let me in.
LANDLORDNot till you’ve got the rent.
TESSAt least let me get a change of clothes.
LANDLORDYour clothes is all you got. They’re all as’ll keep you coming back here with the money.
TESSHow do you know they’re all I got ? You’ve been poking round my room. What were youdoing ? Trying on my dress ?
She yelps as the Landlord grabs her.
TESSGet off. Let go.
LANDLORDYou speak to me like that and I’ll...
DOCTORYou’ll what ?, if you don’t mind me asking.
LANDLORDMind your own business.
DOCTORWhen I see an under-evolved simian with the intellectual capacity of a brick terrorising agirl half his size, I tend to make it my business.
LANDLORDWhat ?
DOCTORIn words of one syllable, pick on someone your own size.
LANDLORDYou ?
DOCTORI don’t see anyone else here. Well ?
The Landlord mulls it over for a second then backs down.
LANDLORDYour stuff’s in your bag, Tessie. Get it and get out.
DOCTORGo on.
Tess shoves a door open. She’s back a few moments later.
TESSGot it. It’s all here.
LANDLORDI wouldn’t have made the rent from selling it anyway. There’s only one way a girl like you will ever make money. On your back.
A loud slap. She’s belted the Landlord. Sounds like it hurt as well.
LANDLORDYou...
DOCTORAh-ah-ah. Temper... Let’s leave the nice gorilla, shall we ?
The door slams.
TESSI suppose you want me to thank you.
DOCTORA little gratitude wouldn’t go amiss. I did stop him from giving you a nasty turn.
TESSIt depends what you mean by gratitude. I’m not that sort of girl. You’ll get nothing likethat from me.
DOCTORA simple “thank you” would suffice.
TESSRight. Thank you.
DOCTORMy pleasure.
TESSWhy’d you get involved anyway ? Here, you’re not one of them God-bothering missionarylot are you ? Saving fallen women and all that lark.
DOCTORI’m nothing of the sort. In fact I try never to bother anybody. Well, not much. I just don’t likebullies, that’s all. I’ve seen too many of them in my time. Now, are you all right ?
TESSI’ve been worse, I suppose. Can’t remember when , though.
DOCTORWhat was all that about ?
TESSMy Landlord. Well, he used to be. He reckoned I owed him a month’s rent.
DOCTORDid you ?
TESSMore like two.
DOCTORAnd you don’t have the money ?
TESSNot so’s you’d notice.
DOCTORWhat do you plan on doing ? You can’t sleep in the open.
TESSI’m so hungry I couldn’t think about sleeping anyway.
DOCTORActually, I’m a bit peckish myself. If I remember correctly, there’s a decent hotel whichdoes splendid scones four or five streets this way. Come on.
TESSWhat for ?
DOCTORI absolutely detest eating alone. Would you mind terribly keeping me company ? If wehurry we may just catch an early supper.
TESSAll right. But no funny business, right ?
DOCTORAbsolutely. Shall we ?
TESSRight. By the way, my name’s Tess Oaks.
DOCTORHow do you do, Tess. I’m the Doctor.
TESSPleased to meet you, I'm sure.
DOCTORNow that we’ve been properly introduced, can we hurry ? I really am jolly hungry.
5.Stedgewick’s Fair.Stedgewick is in his caravan, looking out. A bit of a rumble of a crowd.
STEDGEWICKLook at that lot, Cassidy.
Cassidy grunts.
STEDGEWICKToffs, mostly. Not the usual potless scum we pander to. I tell you Varsh is a goldmine.
Cassidy grunts.
STEDGEWICKI know, but he’s worth the trouble. Even if we wasn’t making late-night withdrawals, he’spulling the biggest crowds in London. We’re making more money legal than we’velooked at before.
Cassidy grunts.
STEDGEWICKAnd it’s still not enough ? That’s why I like you, Cassidy. You’re like me - ambitious andgreedy. The world out there thinks them’s dirty words. Well, let them think it. They canthink what they want - as long as they give us their money.
Cassidy laughs.
STEDGEWICKRight. It’s five minutes till the show starts. Go and have Varsh get ready.
A nervous grunt.
STEDGEWICKI know you don’t like going there but he won’t hurt you. Remember, I’ve got what he needs.
An unconvinced Cassidy grunts and heads off. Stedgewick gets thoughtful.
STEDGEWICKI wonder... with crowds like this, maybe I should get a better pitch, closer to the toffs. Pull abetter standard of punter... Easier for pilfering, too...
6.Victoria Hotel.The Doctor and Tess are in the dining room. There’s the general clinking and rattling ofcrockery and cutlery.
TESSWe’re getting some funny looks, Doctor.
DOCTORAre we ? Can’t say I’d noticed. Ignore them.
TESSI should imagine you’re used to people staring at you in that coat.
DOCTORWhat’s wrong with my jacket ?
TESSWell, it’s... it’s... bright ?
DOCTORIf I bring a little colour into people’s lives, then so much the better. Ah. Here we are.
Sounds of their meal being delivered.
WAITERSir.
DOCTORThank you, good fellow.(Sniffing)Ah. The aroma alone is worth traveling half a constellation for.
TESSYou what ?
DOCTORTuck in.
TESSAre you sure ? You sound like a toff but you don’t look like one. Can you afford this ?
DOCTORA toff ? I suppose technically I am a Lord of sorts. A knight as well, come to think of it.However, yes, I can afford it - now eat up before it goes cold.
TESSGood. Coz I really am starving.(She gets stuck into her meal.)And I didn’t much fancy having to dab a few pockets to pay for this lot.
DOCTORDab pockets ? You’re a thief ?
TESSWhy don’t you shout a little louder ? I think somebody deaf in Brighton didn’t quite hear you.
DOCTORSorry. I’m just a little surprised, that’s all.
TESSIt’s not something I’m exactly proud of, you know.
DOCTORI imagine not.
TESSBesides, I don’t do it no more. I ain’t dabbed a pocket in years. I never wanted to do it at all.
DOCTORSo why did you ?
TESSMy dad didn’t like working for a living.
DOCTORSo he sent you out stealing ? Utterly reprehensible.
TESSStarted when I was four. He was a lazy, good-for-nothing, my dad. But he was quick with hishands if I didn’t nick enough gear for him.
DOCTORWhere is he now ?
TESSDon’t know. Don’t care, neither. I ain’t seen the pig in five years.
DOCTORI’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.
TESSI don’t mind. Most people say worse about him than I do. When I was fourteen, he’d been drinkingall night and took a swing at me when he got home. I hadn’t done nothing, but that never matteredmuch. Anyway, I ducked out of the way and walloped him one with a kettle. Pity it was cold. Ruinedthe kettle, an’ all. I ain’t been back since.
DOCTORYou survived, all by yourself ?
TESSI made some money sewing - my Mum taught me how before Dad... before she died. I’m good, too.There’s just not so much work about at the minute. That’s why I ain’t been able to pay my rent.
DOCTOROr eat either ? Slow down before you choke yourself.
TESSSuppose I have been going at it a bit sharp. It’s just, you know. Maybe you don’t. What with youbeing a Lord and knight and all that.
DOCTORYou sound like you don’t believe me.
TESSAs long as you can pay for this I’d believe you if you told me Queen Victoria was a one-leggedhorse. But if you are a toff, what are you doing here ? Why ain’t you at home ?
DOCTORThat’s not easy to answer.
TESSNo ?
DOCTORI’m not exactly popular at home these days. I tend to cause trouble when I’m there.
TESSI can believe that.
DOCTORThese days, I’m more of a traveller.
TESSI had an uncle like you. He had itchy feet. Went to America, he did. Ain’t heard from him since.Mind you, he can’t write.
DOCTORI once heard Francis Bacon says the same about William Shakespea... hang on. I don’t believe it.
The Doctor stands and calls.
DOCTORFred ! Over here. Fred !
TESSWho are you shouting to ?
DOCTORAn old friend. Stay there.
The Doctor hurries after his friend.
DOCTORFred ?
A door closes loudly. The Doctor is intercepted by Mrs Potter, a lady in her forties or fifties.Obviously a strong-willed lady. You get the feeling she’d be happier if this was a temperance hotel.
MRS POTTERIf you don’t mind, Sir.
DOCTORExcuse me, I’ve just spotted an old friend.
MRS POTTERYou can catch your friend after you’ve paid your bill.
DOCTORPardon ? Oh.
TESSHere, what’s your game, Doctor ? You weren’t gonna scarper and leave me with the bill were you ?
DOCTORNot at all.
MRS POTTERIt looked that way to me.
DOCTORHonestly, Tess. I wasn’t running away.
MRS POTTER(Coughs meaningfully)The bill. Sir.
DOCTORDo stop waving that thing under my nose, woman. How much is it anyway ?(Takes the bill)Outrageous. And don’t expect a tip.
MRS POTTERI’ll settle for the bill being paid.
DOCTORVery well. I don’t suppose you have any rooms free at the moment ?
MRS POTTERWe do.
DOCTORExcellent.
MRS POTTERYou can pay, I suppose ?
DOCTOR(Muttering)Sometimes I wonder why I come to this wretched planet.
MRS POTTERIt’s just that I know you theatricals. You stay in digs for a week, eat them out of houseand home then slip away without paying. It happens regular in this business, so I’m told.
DOCTORI assure you, madam, that I am neither a theatrical nor a swindler.
MRS POTTERYou look like a theatrical.
DOCTORI am, however, looking for lodging. My young friend here could do with a decent night’s sleep.
MRS POTTERCan you pay ?
DOCTOR(Miffed, annoyed and frustrated - big-time)Here. Hold these, Tess.
Sounds of him rummaging through pockets and handing the contents to Tess.
DOCTORWhere are we ? Apple ? Jelly babies ? Didn’t know I still carried those.
TESSWhat are they ?
DOCTORA confection, a delight and a wonder of human ingenuity. Try one. Go on.
TESS(Unsure)They look...(Tries one)...here, these aren’t bad.
She keeps munching.
DOCTORDon’t eat all the black ones. They’re my favourite.
TESSSorry. Too late.
DOCTORNever mind. What else do we have ? String, a yo-yo, pack of cards, more string,business cards, another yo-yo - broken. What do you call a broken yo-yo ? A yo.
Tess laughs. Mrs Potter is stone-faced, even though we don’t see her.
DOCTORIt’s a joke.
MRS POTTERI don’t like jokes.
DOCTORWhy doesn’t that surprise me ? Here we are. Money. Is that enough for you ?
MRS POTTERYou could buy the hotel for that.
DOCTORJust two rooms will suffice.
MRS POTTERTwo rooms ? Good. I wasn’t sure when I saw you two together. I don’t know how thisplace was in the past but I don’t run that sort of hotel, you know. I have standards.
DOCTORAbsolutely. You never know who’s under your roof. Talking of which, my friend, thechap I was chasing. He wouldn’t happen to be staying here by any chance ?
MRS POTTERMr Cleveland ? Yes he is. He booked in yesterday morning.
DOCTORCleveland ? No, that’s not...(Pleased with himself)Of course. Cleveland Street. Did he happen to say where he was going ?
MRS POTTERI’m not in the habit of divulging matters of confidence between myself and guests.
TESSI bet you’re not in the habit of having a Lord with this much cash as a guest neither.
MRS POTTERA Lord ? Oh, Lord. I mean, oh. Well, Mr Cleveland didn’t actually say where he was going...
DOCTORBut ?
MRS POTTERHe did ask where the Stedgewick Fun Fair was set up.
DOCTORFun Fair ? That’s not like him. That’s not like him at all.
TESSMaybe it wasn’t your friend after all.
DOCTORNo. I saw him quite clearly. Tell me, where is this Fair ?
TESSI know. I’ll show you if you like.
DOCTORSplendid.
Mrs Potter snorts.
DOCTORYes ?
MRS POTTERNothing. Well, it’s just that she’s hardly the sort who’s going to Stedgewick’s these days.
DOCTORReally ?
TESSShe’s right, Doctor. Ever since word got out about this new strong-man act, it’s been all toffsat Stedgewick’s. Apparently, he’s not just the strongest man in the world, he’s the ugliest as well.
DOCTORAnd people are paying to gawp at him ?
TESSPaying a lot of money.
DOCTORThis really isn’t like Fred at all. Miss....
MRS POTTERMrs... Potter. Widowed.
DOCTORMrs Potter, would you happen to know of an establishment where Miss Oaks couldpurchase apparel suitable for an evening out ?
MRS POTTERThere’s a shop just along the street. They’re a bit expensive but...
DOCTORMoney is no object. Take her along and have her kitted out, would you ?
MRS POTTERI’m not a skivvy for her sort of...
DOCTORDo hurry along, there’s a good woman. And I expect her back shining like a new pin by thetime I’ve finished my supper. Well ? Why are you still here ? Perhaps I should take mycustom elsewhere.
MRS POTTERNo, no. I’ll show her. Your Lordship.
7.Stedgewick’s Fair.Cassidy is heading through a crowd. There are sort of Fun Fair type noises. A bit of tinny,jangly music and a few conversations. Cassidy passes a few other fair workers.
WORKER 1Cassidy. You going to see Varsh ?
A nervous grunt of confirmation.
WORKER 1Rather you than me. ThaT caravan of his scares me half to death and I only ever seen theoutside. God only knows what it’s like inside.
Another nervy grunt. Cassidy trudges through the mud for a few more steps then knocks - onmetal. No answer. Another knock on metal. Cassidy grunts, making himself known. Still noanswer. Cassidy pushes the door open. It gives a metallic creak as it opens and he climbsmetal stairs into it. Inside it’s clear that this isn’t a normal caravan. There’s the hum ofelectronic equipment. The bleeping and buzzing of computers and machinery. Cassidy picksup and puts down a couple of objects that sound like they’re made of plastic or metal -totally out of place in 1894. A computer blips and bleeps. Cassidy grunts with interest, thencomes within a hair’s breadth of wetting himself when Varsh speaks.
VARSHThat cable is live.
A strangulated squeal from Cassidy.
VARSHIf you touch it you will be burned to ashes in seconds.
Cassidy sounds like he’s even more nervous.
VARSHI know the time. I was resting before my... performance. I will be there in a few minutes.
Cassidy grunts his assent.
VARSHCassidy, never enter without my permission again. If you do, I won’t warm you aboutany of the other things in here which can kill you. Or worse. Do you understand ?
Cassidy grunts a terrified “yes” grunt and runs, the metal door clanging behind him.
VARSHPrimitive savage.(He sighs)Continue compiling the schedule for repairs to the ship.
COMPUTER(Sounding damaged and wonky - but a bit human)Con...con... confirmed.
VARSHI will be free of this vile place soon.
8.Carriage heading for the Fair. The Doctor and Tess are inside.
DOCTORDo stop fidgeting, Tess.
TESSI can’t help it. These clothes aren’t half itchy.
DOCTORYou look positively charming.
Coach slows and stops.
DOCTORWe’ve arrived.
Carriage door opens. The Doctor drops out onto the mud.
DOCTORDown you come. Watch your feet. The ground’s slippery.
TESSUgh. This ain’t ground, Doctor. It’s mud.
DOCTOROdd that. Given the obvious affluence of the customers, you’d expect the Fair to be in a better spot than this.
TESSThe Fair’s been coming here for years. It’s you toffs that’s new.
DOCTORIf you’re a good girl and stop calling me a toff I may just buy you a candy floss.
TESSA what ?
DOCTORSuppose we are a bit early for that. Pity. Haven’t had one in ages.
TESSThere. That’s what everybody’s here for.
DOCTORThe incredible man-beast ?
TESSCan we go in ? Please ?
DOCTORI don’t see why not. If this is the main attraction, Fred’s as likely to have come here as anywhere.
TESSWho is this Fred pal of yours ? Another toff... I mean, another Lord ?
DOCTORNo. And he’d be appalled if he heard you ask. He used to work around here. I thoughthe’d retired.
Queue moves forward.
DOCTORTwo please. Nice and close to the front.
FAIR WORKERThat’s extra.
DOCTORHighway robbery. Here.
TESSHere, Doctor. These are right at the front.
DOCTORGood. I’m... wait a moment. There he is.
TESSYour friend ? Where ?
DOCTORThere. In the corner at the back.
The Doctor strides through the crowd, causing a most un-Victorian commotion.
DOCTORFrederick, my dear fellow. I knew it was you.
The Fred is question is Frederick Abberline.
ABBERLINEWho the hell are you ?
DOCTORFred, it’s me. The Doctor. I forgot. I’ve changed again since we last met.
ABBERLINEI’ve no idea what you’re talking about.
DOCTORYou must remember me. The Doctor.
ABBERLINELook, Doctor or whoever you are, you obviously have me confused with somebody else.
DOCTORI most certainly do not.
ABBERLINEI’m telling you I’ve never clapped eyes on you before.
DOCTORVery well. Let me remind you. November 1888, a yard, a coach, the beer barrel youused to close a wooden door to the yard, Two odd people...You do remember.
ABBERLINEI’ve got to go.
DOCTORFred, wait.
Abberline hurries away through the crowd.
TESSAre all your friends that happy to see you ?
DOCTORSomething’s definitely wrong. I’m going after him. You stay here and enjoy the show.
TESSWait. You can’t...(Trails off as the Doctor leaves)... leave me. Except you just did. Charming.
A cheesy fan-fare of music. Stedgewick takes the stage. He desperately wants to bea great showman, but instead comes off a bit cheap and nasty.
STEDGEWICKLadies and gentlemen, let me bid you a most warm and hearty welcome to Stedgewick’sFamily Fun Fair. I am Orville Stedgewick and I promise that tonight, you will see someextraordinary feats of physical fortitude; a prodigious portrait of physical power. He’swhy we’re all here. Is he a man ? Is he a monster ? Is he a man-monster or amonster-man ? Laides and gentlemen, I give you the one and only, Varsh.
Another cheesy fanfare, followed by a whoosh of flame and gasps from the crowd.With heavy, lumbering footsteps, Varsh walks forward on the stage.
STEDGEWICKObserve the stone block being carried onto stage by these four strong men.
Heavy block set down with a heavy thud.
STEDGEWICKNo normal man could move this block alone, let alone lift it. But Varsh is no ordinary man.
A slight grunt from Varsh, then a gasp from the crowd, then applause.
TESS(Impressed)One hand.
STEDGEWICKHold your applause, ladies and gentlemen. The mighty Varsh is only just warming up.For his next show of strength, Varsh will need the assistance of a young lady fromthe audience... you, miss ? In the delightful burgundy dress.
General goading and encouraging.
TESSMe? All right.
STEDGEWICKI assure you, there’s absolutely no danger. Well, almost no danger. To me anyway.
A little laughter - it wasn’t a funny joke.
TESSI’m not scared.
Varsh breathes ominously.
TESS(Trying to convince herself)I’m not.
9.Fair.The Doctor is looking around.
DOCTORWhere on Earth has he gone ? Excuse me. You haven’t seen a well-dressed chap comeout of that tent in the past few minutes have you ? About so high. Dark hair. Fifty-ish.
Cassidy grunts a no.
DOCTORSpeak up.
Another grunt.
DOCTOROh. You can’t. Sorry. Never mind. I’ll find him.
The Doctor trudges on.
DOCTORWhat’s got into Fred. This isn’t like him at all...
WORKER 1Hoi. What’re you doing here?
DOCTOR(Warily)Ah, gentlemen. I was looking for a friend of mine. He’s about so high, fifty-ish. I don’tsuppose you or any of your friends here have seen him.
WORKER 1This area is off limits to everybody who don’t work here. There’s signs.
DOCTORReally ? Don’t have my glasses with me.
WORKER 1The guvnor told us somebody’d been poking about. Told us what to do with him an’ all.
DOCTORNow, don’t be hasty. Don’t do anything I’ll regret.
WORKER 1Get him lads.
DOCTORNo!
The sound of the Doctor getting whacked a few times.
CLOSING MUSIC
This script was sent to Big Finish around the end of January 2000. It was one of three I submitted on spec. My plan was to bludgeon them to death with ideas until they either took one or took out a court order to stop me. The script was returned with a very nice "Thanks but we'll pass on that one." letter around August or September. PART ONE 1.1894. London. Night.It’s one of those nights Victorian London is supposedly so famous for. Though we can’tsee it, a real pea-souper has blown in up the Thames. Ships’ horns sound from the river.A carriage or cart rattles over the cobblestones. It has two occupants - OrvilleStedgewick and Cassidy, his trusty (and violent) henchman, who is mute.
STEDGEWICKKeep the noise down, Cassidy. It may be gone two in the morning but there’sno telling who’s out and about the capital at this hour.
Cassidy grunts. Stedgewick laughs. It’s not a nice laugh.
STEDGEWICKYou’re right, my boy. People like us. This fog’s playing us a favour. Even ourmothers wouldn’t recognise us from more than five feet.
Another Cassidy grunt.
STEDGEWICKEven if you hadn’t killed yours.
Cassidy laughs. It’s even less appealing than Stedgewick’s. These are clearlynot nice people.
STEDGEWICKThere. Take us into the alley there.
Cart rattles into an alley.
STEDGEWICKWhere is he ? I told him to be here by two.
Cassidy grunts.
STEDGEWICKI wish you could speak, Cassidy. What is it ?
Another grunt.
STEDGEWICKI see it. He’s started without us. He’s showing initiative. I don’t know that Ilike that. Let’s see how he’s doing.
They jump down. Their footsteps lead to a broken door, which they shiftaside. It scrapes on the cobbles.
STEDGEWICKSolid oak - and he tore it off the hinges.
A nervy grunt from Cassidy.
STEDGEWICKDon’t you worry. I’ve got him well under control. Varsh ? Are you in here ?
A heavy figure lumbers towards them. He’s obviously carrying a great weight;his feet thumping the floorboards. When he speaks, Varsh has a big, strong voice.
VARSHOf course.
STEDGEWICKI told you to wait for us outside the bank.
VARSHYou told me to wait until two o’clock. You are late.
STEDGEWICKWe’ll argue about time-keeping later. Can you manage that safe by yourself ?
VARSHYes. You would be more of a hindrance than a help.
STEDGEWICKI wasn’t offering myself. Cassidy, make sure the coast’s clear outside.
Cassidy gives a reassuring grunt from the door.
STEDGEWICKRight, get the safe into the back of the cart.
Varsh grunts and carries the safe into the alley. He drops it into the back of the cart.
STEDGEWICKHave you ever seen strength the likes of that, Cassidy ?
A grunt that says “no”.
STEDGEWICKWell done, Mr Varsh. Time to be going I should say. Up we get. Not you, Varsh.
VARSH(Obviously tired)What ?
STEDGEWICKYou’re too conspicuous by half. The boys in blue would be down on us like theproverbial ton of bricks if anybody saw you with us. You go back the way you came.
VARSHI am exhausted. My strength is all but gone.
STEDGEWICKThen I suggest you hurry. The sooner you get back, the sooner you’ll be taken care of.
VARSHYou will pay for treating me like this.
STEDGEWICKYou know me, Mr Varsh. I don’t believe in paying. Try not to get into any trouble onthe way back.
The cart moves off. Varsh roars and we hear the door being hit. It cracks andsplinters into pieces.
2.London.The cart clatters across the cobbles. A woman, Mary Kate is out late. She’s a bit drunk.
STEDGEWICKMove, you stupid tart.
MARY KATEWatch out. You could have killed me.
The cart clatters off, leaving Mary Kate grumbling.
MARY KATEDaft driving so fast in this fog. Never liked them carts anyways.
Evidently, she spies somebody.
MARY KATEDid you see that ? Could have killed me, they could. You’re out late, aren’t you ? I bet Iknow what a big strong sort like you’s after. You’re in luck, dear. You come with Mary Kate.I’ll look after you. If you’ve got the money. I’m not cheap, mind, but I’m worth it.
Sound of coins being proffered. They scrape together.
MARY KATEThat’s more than I make in a month. You rob a bank or something ? You won’t regret this,dear. You’ll never forget Mary Kate. Right, we’re well hidden here. Let’s get...
A blade is drawn.
MARY KATEWhat are you... no. NO !
Her yell is choked off with the sound of a blade being driven into her. She gurgles andmoans and slumps to the ground.
3.Stedgewick’s Fun Fair.Stedgewick is counting his money. He’s well pleased with his evening’s work.
STEDGEWICKYou did well tonight, boys.
Cassidy grunts and his hand is slapped away.
STEDGEWICKPaws off, Cassidy. I haven’t finished counting it yet.
VARSH(Obviously very tired)Count it later.
STEDGEWICKYou sound tired, Mr Varsh. Feeling under the weather, are we ?
VARSHI have fulfilled my end of our bargain. Fulfil yours.
STEDGEWICKI should imagine you’re feeling a little worn out around now, what with all your exertions.
VARSHGive it to me.
STEDGEWICKYou’re worse than one of the Chinee down at the opium houses, begging for theirpoppy pipes.
VARSHGive it to me !
STEDGEWICKYour manners need work - but we can’t have our star attraction keeling over, canwe ? Not with two shows a day to think of, and your, shall we say, extra-curricularactivities ? Here. Take it.
A cylinder slides noisily across the desk. Varsh sighs with relief. It’s like he’s getting his fix.
STEDGEWICKBut always remember. I’m the only place you can get what you need to stay alive.Cross me, and you’re dead.
VARSH(Stronger)I am unlikely to forget.
4.London. Next morning.Cracked-voiced old news-vendor yells amid the general sounds of a busy street of the time.Carriages, etc.
VENDOREvening News extra. ‘Orrible murder in Whitechapel. Third in a month. Police baffled.Is the Ripper back ? Read all about it.
The vendor’s voice fades a little, as though we’re moving along the street. A horse whinneysand a cab clatters by and then we get to an argument between Tess (Teresa) Oaks and hererstwhile landlord. Tess is around 18 or 19 and strong-willed.
TESSYou got to let me in.
LANDLORDGot the rent you owe me, Tessie ?
TESSNot yet, but...
LANDLORDYou don’t get in if you don’t got the rent.
TESSYou can’t do this. I need to get my stuff...
The argument continues, fading as we seem to move on. Another carriage clatters byand we move into a quieter alley, where it’s fairly peaceful for a second until the Tardismaterialises with her usual fanfare. The door opens and the 6th Doctor steps out, fullof joie de vivre.
DOCTORAh, London.
He sniffs the air and coughs a little. His joie de vivre is a tad dented.
DOCTORVictorian London. An unmistakable bouquet. Ah, well. Only ninety years early, old girl.Close enough.
He closes the door and moves out into the street where the street sounds get a little louder.
DOCTOREast End... mid 1890's... Autumn ?
VENDORAnother bank robbed ! Door ripped off hinges !
DOCTORWhitechapel. I thought I recognised the place.
We’re getting back towards the argument between Tess and her landlord, which is still heated.
TESSYou’ve got to let me in.
LANDLORDNot till you’ve got the rent.
TESSAt least let me get a change of clothes.
LANDLORDYour clothes is all you got. They’re all as’ll keep you coming back here with the money.
TESSHow do you know they’re all I got ? You’ve been poking round my room. What were youdoing ? Trying on my dress ?
She yelps as the Landlord grabs her.
TESSGet off. Let go.
LANDLORDYou speak to me like that and I’ll...
DOCTORYou’ll what ?, if you don’t mind me asking.
LANDLORDMind your own business.
DOCTORWhen I see an under-evolved simian with the intellectual capacity of a brick terrorising agirl half his size, I tend to make it my business.
LANDLORDWhat ?
DOCTORIn words of one syllable, pick on someone your own size.
LANDLORDYou ?
DOCTORI don’t see anyone else here. Well ?
The Landlord mulls it over for a second then backs down.
LANDLORDYour stuff’s in your bag, Tessie. Get it and get out.
DOCTORGo on.
Tess shoves a door open. She’s back a few moments later.
TESSGot it. It’s all here.
LANDLORDI wouldn’t have made the rent from selling it anyway. There’s only one way a girl like you will ever make money. On your back.
A loud slap. She’s belted the Landlord. Sounds like it hurt as well.
LANDLORDYou...
DOCTORAh-ah-ah. Temper... Let’s leave the nice gorilla, shall we ?
The door slams.
TESSI suppose you want me to thank you.
DOCTORA little gratitude wouldn’t go amiss. I did stop him from giving you a nasty turn.
TESSIt depends what you mean by gratitude. I’m not that sort of girl. You’ll get nothing likethat from me.
DOCTORA simple “thank you” would suffice.
TESSRight. Thank you.
DOCTORMy pleasure.
TESSWhy’d you get involved anyway ? Here, you’re not one of them God-bothering missionarylot are you ? Saving fallen women and all that lark.
DOCTORI’m nothing of the sort. In fact I try never to bother anybody. Well, not much. I just don’t likebullies, that’s all. I’ve seen too many of them in my time. Now, are you all right ?
TESSI’ve been worse, I suppose. Can’t remember when , though.
DOCTORWhat was all that about ?
TESSMy Landlord. Well, he used to be. He reckoned I owed him a month’s rent.
DOCTORDid you ?
TESSMore like two.
DOCTORAnd you don’t have the money ?
TESSNot so’s you’d notice.
DOCTORWhat do you plan on doing ? You can’t sleep in the open.
TESSI’m so hungry I couldn’t think about sleeping anyway.
DOCTORActually, I’m a bit peckish myself. If I remember correctly, there’s a decent hotel whichdoes splendid scones four or five streets this way. Come on.
TESSWhat for ?
DOCTORI absolutely detest eating alone. Would you mind terribly keeping me company ? If wehurry we may just catch an early supper.
TESSAll right. But no funny business, right ?
DOCTORAbsolutely. Shall we ?
TESSRight. By the way, my name’s Tess Oaks.
DOCTORHow do you do, Tess. I’m the Doctor.
TESSPleased to meet you, I'm sure.
DOCTORNow that we’ve been properly introduced, can we hurry ? I really am jolly hungry.
5.Stedgewick’s Fair.Stedgewick is in his caravan, looking out. A bit of a rumble of a crowd.
STEDGEWICKLook at that lot, Cassidy.
Cassidy grunts.
STEDGEWICKToffs, mostly. Not the usual potless scum we pander to. I tell you Varsh is a goldmine.
Cassidy grunts.
STEDGEWICKI know, but he’s worth the trouble. Even if we wasn’t making late-night withdrawals, he’spulling the biggest crowds in London. We’re making more money legal than we’velooked at before.
Cassidy grunts.
STEDGEWICKAnd it’s still not enough ? That’s why I like you, Cassidy. You’re like me - ambitious andgreedy. The world out there thinks them’s dirty words. Well, let them think it. They canthink what they want - as long as they give us their money.
Cassidy laughs.
STEDGEWICKRight. It’s five minutes till the show starts. Go and have Varsh get ready.
A nervous grunt.
STEDGEWICKI know you don’t like going there but he won’t hurt you. Remember, I’ve got what he needs.
An unconvinced Cassidy grunts and heads off. Stedgewick gets thoughtful.
STEDGEWICKI wonder... with crowds like this, maybe I should get a better pitch, closer to the toffs. Pull abetter standard of punter... Easier for pilfering, too...
6.Victoria Hotel.The Doctor and Tess are in the dining room. There’s the general clinking and rattling ofcrockery and cutlery.
TESSWe’re getting some funny looks, Doctor.
DOCTORAre we ? Can’t say I’d noticed. Ignore them.
TESSI should imagine you’re used to people staring at you in that coat.
DOCTORWhat’s wrong with my jacket ?
TESSWell, it’s... it’s... bright ?
DOCTORIf I bring a little colour into people’s lives, then so much the better. Ah. Here we are.
Sounds of their meal being delivered.
WAITERSir.
DOCTORThank you, good fellow.(Sniffing)Ah. The aroma alone is worth traveling half a constellation for.
TESSYou what ?
DOCTORTuck in.
TESSAre you sure ? You sound like a toff but you don’t look like one. Can you afford this ?
DOCTORA toff ? I suppose technically I am a Lord of sorts. A knight as well, come to think of it.However, yes, I can afford it - now eat up before it goes cold.
TESSGood. Coz I really am starving.(She gets stuck into her meal.)And I didn’t much fancy having to dab a few pockets to pay for this lot.
DOCTORDab pockets ? You’re a thief ?
TESSWhy don’t you shout a little louder ? I think somebody deaf in Brighton didn’t quite hear you.
DOCTORSorry. I’m just a little surprised, that’s all.
TESSIt’s not something I’m exactly proud of, you know.
DOCTORI imagine not.
TESSBesides, I don’t do it no more. I ain’t dabbed a pocket in years. I never wanted to do it at all.
DOCTORSo why did you ?
TESSMy dad didn’t like working for a living.
DOCTORSo he sent you out stealing ? Utterly reprehensible.
TESSStarted when I was four. He was a lazy, good-for-nothing, my dad. But he was quick with hishands if I didn’t nick enough gear for him.
DOCTORWhere is he now ?
TESSDon’t know. Don’t care, neither. I ain’t seen the pig in five years.
DOCTORI’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.
TESSI don’t mind. Most people say worse about him than I do. When I was fourteen, he’d been drinkingall night and took a swing at me when he got home. I hadn’t done nothing, but that never matteredmuch. Anyway, I ducked out of the way and walloped him one with a kettle. Pity it was cold. Ruinedthe kettle, an’ all. I ain’t been back since.
DOCTORYou survived, all by yourself ?
TESSI made some money sewing - my Mum taught me how before Dad... before she died. I’m good, too.There’s just not so much work about at the minute. That’s why I ain’t been able to pay my rent.
DOCTOROr eat either ? Slow down before you choke yourself.
TESSSuppose I have been going at it a bit sharp. It’s just, you know. Maybe you don’t. What with youbeing a Lord and knight and all that.
DOCTORYou sound like you don’t believe me.
TESSAs long as you can pay for this I’d believe you if you told me Queen Victoria was a one-leggedhorse. But if you are a toff, what are you doing here ? Why ain’t you at home ?
DOCTORThat’s not easy to answer.
TESSNo ?
DOCTORI’m not exactly popular at home these days. I tend to cause trouble when I’m there.
TESSI can believe that.
DOCTORThese days, I’m more of a traveller.
TESSI had an uncle like you. He had itchy feet. Went to America, he did. Ain’t heard from him since.Mind you, he can’t write.
DOCTORI once heard Francis Bacon says the same about William Shakespea... hang on. I don’t believe it.
The Doctor stands and calls.
DOCTORFred ! Over here. Fred !
TESSWho are you shouting to ?
DOCTORAn old friend. Stay there.
The Doctor hurries after his friend.
DOCTORFred ?
A door closes loudly. The Doctor is intercepted by Mrs Potter, a lady in her forties or fifties.Obviously a strong-willed lady. You get the feeling she’d be happier if this was a temperance hotel.
MRS POTTERIf you don’t mind, Sir.
DOCTORExcuse me, I’ve just spotted an old friend.
MRS POTTERYou can catch your friend after you’ve paid your bill.
DOCTORPardon ? Oh.
TESSHere, what’s your game, Doctor ? You weren’t gonna scarper and leave me with the bill were you ?
DOCTORNot at all.
MRS POTTERIt looked that way to me.
DOCTORHonestly, Tess. I wasn’t running away.
MRS POTTER(Coughs meaningfully)The bill. Sir.
DOCTORDo stop waving that thing under my nose, woman. How much is it anyway ?(Takes the bill)Outrageous. And don’t expect a tip.
MRS POTTERI’ll settle for the bill being paid.
DOCTORVery well. I don’t suppose you have any rooms free at the moment ?
MRS POTTERWe do.
DOCTORExcellent.
MRS POTTERYou can pay, I suppose ?
DOCTOR(Muttering)Sometimes I wonder why I come to this wretched planet.
MRS POTTERIt’s just that I know you theatricals. You stay in digs for a week, eat them out of houseand home then slip away without paying. It happens regular in this business, so I’m told.
DOCTORI assure you, madam, that I am neither a theatrical nor a swindler.
MRS POTTERYou look like a theatrical.
DOCTORI am, however, looking for lodging. My young friend here could do with a decent night’s sleep.
MRS POTTERCan you pay ?
DOCTOR(Miffed, annoyed and frustrated - big-time)Here. Hold these, Tess.
Sounds of him rummaging through pockets and handing the contents to Tess.
DOCTORWhere are we ? Apple ? Jelly babies ? Didn’t know I still carried those.
TESSWhat are they ?
DOCTORA confection, a delight and a wonder of human ingenuity. Try one. Go on.
TESS(Unsure)They look...(Tries one)...here, these aren’t bad.
She keeps munching.
DOCTORDon’t eat all the black ones. They’re my favourite.
TESSSorry. Too late.
DOCTORNever mind. What else do we have ? String, a yo-yo, pack of cards, more string,business cards, another yo-yo - broken. What do you call a broken yo-yo ? A yo.
Tess laughs. Mrs Potter is stone-faced, even though we don’t see her.
DOCTORIt’s a joke.
MRS POTTERI don’t like jokes.
DOCTORWhy doesn’t that surprise me ? Here we are. Money. Is that enough for you ?
MRS POTTERYou could buy the hotel for that.
DOCTORJust two rooms will suffice.
MRS POTTERTwo rooms ? Good. I wasn’t sure when I saw you two together. I don’t know how thisplace was in the past but I don’t run that sort of hotel, you know. I have standards.
DOCTORAbsolutely. You never know who’s under your roof. Talking of which, my friend, thechap I was chasing. He wouldn’t happen to be staying here by any chance ?
MRS POTTERMr Cleveland ? Yes he is. He booked in yesterday morning.
DOCTORCleveland ? No, that’s not...(Pleased with himself)Of course. Cleveland Street. Did he happen to say where he was going ?
MRS POTTERI’m not in the habit of divulging matters of confidence between myself and guests.
TESSI bet you’re not in the habit of having a Lord with this much cash as a guest neither.
MRS POTTERA Lord ? Oh, Lord. I mean, oh. Well, Mr Cleveland didn’t actually say where he was going...
DOCTORBut ?
MRS POTTERHe did ask where the Stedgewick Fun Fair was set up.
DOCTORFun Fair ? That’s not like him. That’s not like him at all.
TESSMaybe it wasn’t your friend after all.
DOCTORNo. I saw him quite clearly. Tell me, where is this Fair ?
TESSI know. I’ll show you if you like.
DOCTORSplendid.
Mrs Potter snorts.
DOCTORYes ?
MRS POTTERNothing. Well, it’s just that she’s hardly the sort who’s going to Stedgewick’s these days.
DOCTORReally ?
TESSShe’s right, Doctor. Ever since word got out about this new strong-man act, it’s been all toffsat Stedgewick’s. Apparently, he’s not just the strongest man in the world, he’s the ugliest as well.
DOCTORAnd people are paying to gawp at him ?
TESSPaying a lot of money.
DOCTORThis really isn’t like Fred at all. Miss....
MRS POTTERMrs... Potter. Widowed.
DOCTORMrs Potter, would you happen to know of an establishment where Miss Oaks couldpurchase apparel suitable for an evening out ?
MRS POTTERThere’s a shop just along the street. They’re a bit expensive but...
DOCTORMoney is no object. Take her along and have her kitted out, would you ?
MRS POTTERI’m not a skivvy for her sort of...
DOCTORDo hurry along, there’s a good woman. And I expect her back shining like a new pin by thetime I’ve finished my supper. Well ? Why are you still here ? Perhaps I should take mycustom elsewhere.
MRS POTTERNo, no. I’ll show her. Your Lordship.
7.Stedgewick’s Fair.Cassidy is heading through a crowd. There are sort of Fun Fair type noises. A bit of tinny,jangly music and a few conversations. Cassidy passes a few other fair workers.
WORKER 1Cassidy. You going to see Varsh ?
A nervous grunt of confirmation.
WORKER 1Rather you than me. ThaT caravan of his scares me half to death and I only ever seen theoutside. God only knows what it’s like inside.
Another nervy grunt. Cassidy trudges through the mud for a few more steps then knocks - onmetal. No answer. Another knock on metal. Cassidy grunts, making himself known. Still noanswer. Cassidy pushes the door open. It gives a metallic creak as it opens and he climbsmetal stairs into it. Inside it’s clear that this isn’t a normal caravan. There’s the hum ofelectronic equipment. The bleeping and buzzing of computers and machinery. Cassidy picksup and puts down a couple of objects that sound like they’re made of plastic or metal -totally out of place in 1894. A computer blips and bleeps. Cassidy grunts with interest, thencomes within a hair’s breadth of wetting himself when Varsh speaks.
VARSHThat cable is live.
A strangulated squeal from Cassidy.
VARSHIf you touch it you will be burned to ashes in seconds.
Cassidy sounds like he’s even more nervous.
VARSHI know the time. I was resting before my... performance. I will be there in a few minutes.
Cassidy grunts his assent.
VARSHCassidy, never enter without my permission again. If you do, I won’t warm you aboutany of the other things in here which can kill you. Or worse. Do you understand ?
Cassidy grunts a terrified “yes” grunt and runs, the metal door clanging behind him.
VARSHPrimitive savage.(He sighs)Continue compiling the schedule for repairs to the ship.
COMPUTER(Sounding damaged and wonky - but a bit human)Con...con... confirmed.
VARSHI will be free of this vile place soon.
8.Carriage heading for the Fair. The Doctor and Tess are inside.
DOCTORDo stop fidgeting, Tess.
TESSI can’t help it. These clothes aren’t half itchy.
DOCTORYou look positively charming.
Coach slows and stops.
DOCTORWe’ve arrived.
Carriage door opens. The Doctor drops out onto the mud.
DOCTORDown you come. Watch your feet. The ground’s slippery.
TESSUgh. This ain’t ground, Doctor. It’s mud.
DOCTOROdd that. Given the obvious affluence of the customers, you’d expect the Fair to be in a better spot than this.
TESSThe Fair’s been coming here for years. It’s you toffs that’s new.
DOCTORIf you’re a good girl and stop calling me a toff I may just buy you a candy floss.
TESSA what ?
DOCTORSuppose we are a bit early for that. Pity. Haven’t had one in ages.
TESSThere. That’s what everybody’s here for.
DOCTORThe incredible man-beast ?
TESSCan we go in ? Please ?
DOCTORI don’t see why not. If this is the main attraction, Fred’s as likely to have come here as anywhere.
TESSWho is this Fred pal of yours ? Another toff... I mean, another Lord ?
DOCTORNo. And he’d be appalled if he heard you ask. He used to work around here. I thoughthe’d retired.
Queue moves forward.
DOCTORTwo please. Nice and close to the front.
FAIR WORKERThat’s extra.
DOCTORHighway robbery. Here.
TESSHere, Doctor. These are right at the front.
DOCTORGood. I’m... wait a moment. There he is.
TESSYour friend ? Where ?
DOCTORThere. In the corner at the back.
The Doctor strides through the crowd, causing a most un-Victorian commotion.
DOCTORFrederick, my dear fellow. I knew it was you.
The Fred is question is Frederick Abberline.
ABBERLINEWho the hell are you ?
DOCTORFred, it’s me. The Doctor. I forgot. I’ve changed again since we last met.
ABBERLINEI’ve no idea what you’re talking about.
DOCTORYou must remember me. The Doctor.
ABBERLINELook, Doctor or whoever you are, you obviously have me confused with somebody else.
DOCTORI most certainly do not.
ABBERLINEI’m telling you I’ve never clapped eyes on you before.
DOCTORVery well. Let me remind you. November 1888, a yard, a coach, the beer barrel youused to close a wooden door to the yard, Two odd people...You do remember.
ABBERLINEI’ve got to go.
DOCTORFred, wait.
Abberline hurries away through the crowd.
TESSAre all your friends that happy to see you ?
DOCTORSomething’s definitely wrong. I’m going after him. You stay here and enjoy the show.
TESSWait. You can’t...(Trails off as the Doctor leaves)... leave me. Except you just did. Charming.
A cheesy fan-fare of music. Stedgewick takes the stage. He desperately wants to bea great showman, but instead comes off a bit cheap and nasty.
STEDGEWICKLadies and gentlemen, let me bid you a most warm and hearty welcome to Stedgewick’sFamily Fun Fair. I am Orville Stedgewick and I promise that tonight, you will see someextraordinary feats of physical fortitude; a prodigious portrait of physical power. He’swhy we’re all here. Is he a man ? Is he a monster ? Is he a man-monster or amonster-man ? Laides and gentlemen, I give you the one and only, Varsh.
Another cheesy fanfare, followed by a whoosh of flame and gasps from the crowd.With heavy, lumbering footsteps, Varsh walks forward on the stage.
STEDGEWICKObserve the stone block being carried onto stage by these four strong men.
Heavy block set down with a heavy thud.
STEDGEWICKNo normal man could move this block alone, let alone lift it. But Varsh is no ordinary man.
A slight grunt from Varsh, then a gasp from the crowd, then applause.
TESS(Impressed)One hand.
STEDGEWICKHold your applause, ladies and gentlemen. The mighty Varsh is only just warming up.For his next show of strength, Varsh will need the assistance of a young lady fromthe audience... you, miss ? In the delightful burgundy dress.
General goading and encouraging.
TESSMe? All right.
STEDGEWICKI assure you, there’s absolutely no danger. Well, almost no danger. To me anyway.
A little laughter - it wasn’t a funny joke.
TESSI’m not scared.
Varsh breathes ominously.
TESS(Trying to convince herself)I’m not.
9.Fair.The Doctor is looking around.
DOCTORWhere on Earth has he gone ? Excuse me. You haven’t seen a well-dressed chap comeout of that tent in the past few minutes have you ? About so high. Dark hair. Fifty-ish.
Cassidy grunts a no.
DOCTORSpeak up.
Another grunt.
DOCTOROh. You can’t. Sorry. Never mind. I’ll find him.
The Doctor trudges on.
DOCTORWhat’s got into Fred. This isn’t like him at all...
WORKER 1Hoi. What’re you doing here?
DOCTOR(Warily)Ah, gentlemen. I was looking for a friend of mine. He’s about so high, fifty-ish. I don’tsuppose you or any of your friends here have seen him.
WORKER 1This area is off limits to everybody who don’t work here. There’s signs.
DOCTORReally ? Don’t have my glasses with me.
WORKER 1The guvnor told us somebody’d been poking about. Told us what to do with him an’ all.
DOCTORNow, don’t be hasty. Don’t do anything I’ll regret.
WORKER 1Get him lads.
DOCTORNo!
The sound of the Doctor getting whacked a few times.
CLOSING MUSIC